1.21 Giving Up

She had left nothing but emptiness in his heart. The day after Christmas Eve, Laura moved back with her roommates. She had given Charles a deaf ear while she packed her belongings. He tried convincing her to stay, but she simply ignored him and slamming the door in his face, she was gone, forever.

New Year’s Eve was a flop, since all Charles did was watch TV while eating apple pie and drinking hot chocolate and sleep by ten at night.

He lay awake in bed the next day, without any desire to get up.

He spent the rest of the day sitting by the window, looking out at little children throwing snowballs at each other.

Minutes turned into hours, hours turned into days and days turned into weeks, but Charles couldn’t bring himself out of this despair. He was broken from within and the only person who could mend his heart had sworn to never return. His parents had been observing him since a week but neither of them spoke up. They wanted to give their son his space, they wanted to give him time to cry it out, but his mother couldn’t bear seeing her son sitting so lifelessly by the window every day. She finally decided to have a talk with him.

One morning his mother walked up to him and gently placed her hand over his shoulder,

Charles looked up at her with tired eyes and shook his head. His mother heaved a sigh and pulled up a chair next to his. Sitting down, she began,

she paused, realizing he wasn’t listening but decided to continue anyway,

She paused again, looking at her son as he stared out the window sleepily. She felt helpless at this point because no matter how hard she tried, he wouldn’t cheer up.

“Look at me Charles!” she cried out, tears welling up in her eyes, “I know you, you’re stronger than this, you’re not a quitter, Charles! Don’t lose hope, don’t give up.”  She finally stood up placing her hand on his shoulder again, “Everything will be okay. Don’t worry” saying this she walked out hoping everything would truly be okay.

After a while, Charles walked into his room and decided to stay there for the rest of the day. He was exhausted and in dire need of sleep; he’d been having sleepless nights ever since Christmas Eve. He walked into the bathroom and stared at his reflection in the mirror. A pair of tired eyes stared back.

He exhaled weakly and walked out of the bathroom. He decided to take a nap, but later changed his mind and settled on heading out for a walk.

Fortunately it wasn’t snowing that day and the sun had been shining brighter than the day before. Maybe his mother was right after all; maybe the bright sunlight gleaming in through the window pane was a sign that everything would be alright. Yet that did not particularly lift his spirits nor did it make him feel optimistic.

Of course he wasn’t expecting Laura to come running back into his arms. But maybe he would meet somebody new; somebody who actually cared for him and understood him and who shared his dreams. 

He couldn’t, however, think of anyone but Laura. He didn’t know what her problem was. She’d said she wanted to get married and raise a family with him and be the perfect wife and then she’d told him she wasn’t the marrying type. Why was she so confused? Why was she trying to do all the things she hated? Why couldn’t she just do her own thing? Why couldn’t she just be herself?

I’ll pretend to be someone else just for her, his own words echoed in his ears.

Charles stopped right where he was, and blinked frantically. He sighed, realizing how foolish he had been all this while. Shaking his head in disappointment, he thought,

He finally realized why their relationship had fallen apart and ended so abruptly; why nothing worked out between the two despite their efforts to make things right.

Oh! no what have I done?