I haven’t written to you guys in a very long time, even though I have a lot to tell y’all. I’m pregnant, in the third trimester and I’m about to pop any minute. Yes you read that right, I, Laura Croft, am going to become a mother. It’s funny, isn’t it?
I never thought I’d be doing this, but guess I was wrong. I was wrong about many things. I thought I was sure what I wanted from life, and starting a family was never a part of my to-do list.
But people change like seasons. I changed my mind, too. It just feels weird, you know? It’s like I don’t know who I am anymore, like I had been lying to myself about who I really was, I had been running away from myself for all these years, but now I have a clear idea of who I am and what I want from life. And guess who I have to thank? Charles.
I was wrong about him, too. I used to think he was very selfish when he tried convincing me to keep our baby, but he only made me realize my mistake. He’s been so supportive, never letting go of me, and being so patient even though I haven’t told him about my past, about you guys and that I’m bi-polar.
I don’t trust him enough. I guess I’m afraid he’ll abandon me and I’d even decided to leave him before he broke up with me. That was two years back, remember? I thought I could live without him, that it was just another breakup, but I was wrong. Again. He’s really not like any of them. He’s special.
Plus, I can’t face rejection again, not after so many people have abandoned me in the past. You know, I even had a nightmare a few months ago… when he found out that I was ill, he called me a freak then he asked me to leave and he said that we were done forever. That nightmare is proof enough that he’ll freak out if I tell him.
So I just cover it up with my pills. Besides, I’m going to stay bi-polar for the rest of my life, so it wouldn’t matter even if he knows because it’s not like he can do much to help cure the illness. Likewise, it won’t matter if I don’t tell him about you guys, his life won’t get affected. So who cares, really?
But sometimes I wish I could be more honest with him. He deserves to know. I feel bad keeping all these secrets from him, I feel like I’m cheating on him; the feeling is that bad. I don’t know what to do. I really don’t know who to ask. I could ask Eva but we aren’t really talking. I used to think she was my best friend, she was like a sister to me who really understood me more than anyone else. But I was wrong. Again. She just has this evil dark side to her that I wasn’t aware of.
You know who else showed their true colors? Bayley McDougal. She’s such a pretentious woman who has a very evil side to her, too. I mean forcing me to get married just because that’s what her family has been doing? What dumb shit is this? “These are the traditions of the McDougals”, she said. Like yeah, who gives a shit about her crappy traditions, anyway? Charles’ dad is so sweet and kind, even though he seemed a bit indifferent at the beginning. But Bayley? She’s just a fake bitch. I hate when she gives me her fake smiles and calls me ‘dear’… like, hello? Do you think I can’t see your real evil face hidden behind that fake mask you’re wearing?
Ugh.. and then Charles invited them to stay with us for a week! She pissed me off all seven days, talking about cooking and sharing her recipes with me. That woman knows nothing except cooking. I hate her! I’ll make sure Charles does not call them over, ever again. I can’t stay in the same room as that woman.
I’m currently laughing at how hilarious the previous paragraph is. I guess you can never get along with the mother of your boyfriend! That’s a universal truth.
I don’t have anything else to tell y’all. Oh except that we moved to Willow Creek in June, in this beautiful one storey family home that Charles built himself! Well, he didn’t exactly build it himself, he only designed the layout of the whole house. And it’s stunning! Looks just like grandma’s cottage! Do you remember we used to go there every summer break? I miss grandma and I miss y’all, too… I should probably stop because I’m feeling very nostalgic now.
I’ll write again once the baby’s born. The doctor told us it’s a boy. I’m not exactly happy… I wanted a girl but there’s nothing I can do about it. I only pray the baby is healthy and that it doesn’t hurt too much when I give birth. Aagh… I’m freaking out already!
Take care and I’ll write to you soon.
Your loving daughter,